March 30, 2012

The Anatomy of a Successful April Fools Joke (Or Don’t Any of You do Fact Checking?)

Photo by Sean MacEntee

Photo by Sean MacEntee

With April Fools Day on Sunday, I started thinking about how to successfully prank everyone. There’s only been one successful prank I’ve participated in during my lifetime and it eventually ended up on Mashable – because, you know, Mashable is such a beacon of great fact-checking journalism. Zing! ;)

Realizing that I had two awesome calendar quirks upon me – that AFD was this coming Sunday, a weekend, and that the end of the government Q2 was today… I had plausible cover for a real awesome prank.

So I texted my good friend Amanda at the U.S. Department of Agriculture and floated an idea past her. I needed an alibi and some cover in the event I started to get questioned. My idea is that I was moving back to DC to take a senior level role at a federal agency. Given that she has such a role at USDA, the ruse went from there.

A made up position (but one that sounded totally reasonable to the naked eye) – Deputy Director of Online Operations – was concieved. Since it was the end of Q2, I had to make the decision by close of business today. My cover would include “budget cuts” and “workforce consolidation” as reasons for a new position.

The next step in purpotrating this lie was to ensure all the closest people in my life bought the lie. I could clue them in to a lie, but too many cooks in the kitchen could spoil the whole thing so I wanted the closest people buying it.

So I told my roommate and spun a story she believed. Then I told my friend Mike Neumann who bought in hook, line and sinker. I did let my girlfriend in on the secret since she would be likely to panic.

I reinforced the story again this morning with my roommate, referencing a conference call and a “letter of intent” from USDA. I don’t think the USDA even issues Letters of Intent and it’s the Office of Personel Management who actually does hiring on behalf of agencies and suggesting I had to make this decision today and that “it was a hard one” and “I really don’t want to leave Austin”. I knew when she started consoling my dog that she was thoroughly convinced. Good job, Aaron. Phase 1 complete.

Having suitably hooked my friends, it was time to start rumor dripping. IT started with an innocuos status update on Facebook (since, you know, that’s for family and friends and not the world): “Well, Austin… it’s been a fun 2 years. I’ll see you at SXSW, I guess”. In comments, I (intentionally) float DC as my destination but played coy on details citing “a gag order”. Enough information to be compelling, but also enough to maintain the cover of my story. Everyone buys in. Phase 2, done!

Awhile later I make my “official announcement“. This part of the prank is meant to provide even more plausible information, laced with real life fact. Every good lie has an element of truth. I describe the role in words that are believable… that it’s mostly technical, that it involves WordPress, that in Austin I’ve taken up more healthy eating habits – something that plays directly into the mission of USDA.

Since this was my “announcement”, I shared it back on Facebook as its own status update, as well as updated the original “float post” so that those who already saw my update would see the new update. I also tweeted it out to my 9500+ Twitter followers.

Everyone bites. No one questions anything. No one even thinks about AFD. Phase 3 complete.

The key to this joke was timing. To be plausible, I had to do it today. The government doesn’t work on the weekend and if I waited until Monday… my opportunity would be squandered because everyone would have their AFD defenses up. But 2 days before… no one saw it coming.

Additionally, it’s a prank. I don’t want this being on the internet forever and a day. I ensured the proper meta tags were added to my post so Google won’t index it and no one will be confused later down the road. Ha! But then, no one looks at source code. ;)

I’m sorry I’m not coming back to DC. Actually, I’m not. But y’all shouldn’t believe everything you read on the internet. :)

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March 30, 2012

There is a Season, Turn, Turn, Turn: Back to DC.

Back when I moved to Austin in 2010, I was thrilled to be leaving the rat race that was DC. I was looking forward to a place when people did not watch presidential speeches to joint sessions of Congress in bars as if they were the Super Bowl and instead sat on patios with their friends eating chips and queso and drinking local craft beers while listening to live music.

I looked forward to a cheaper and easier way of living where summers were hot but not nearly as unpleasant and winters did not bring 50″ of snow in just a few days. It was a new life with new opportunities and new experiences far away from the northeast where I had lived almost all of my life.

I did not expect it would come to an end short of 2 years after I made that bold move. But it’s coming to an end, barring some unforeseen hitch.

I’m moving back to DC in the middle of July. Beginning mid-may, I will become a Fed. You heard that right… a Fed. I’m pleased to have accepted a position within Department of Agriculture to become Deputy Director of Online Operations – a far more senior position than I could have imagined since my only Federal job experience was on the corporate contracting side with Lockheed Martin, Northrop Grumman and CSC. However, I am uniquely qualified for this role.

The role is a new one that lies somewhere between an operations style role surrounding technical execution and communications where I’ll have my hand in some of the online community aspect. Mostly, it’s a technical role though. And WordPress is heavily at play here.

In a way, this is a dream job. To be able to use my WordPress experience to help direct a portion of public policy related to critical infrastructure around some of America’s greatest domestic assets, enabling analysts to develop partnerships with state and local school food programs, among other things… it’s incredibly sobering.

So while I don’t start in DC until July 16, I’ll be beginning my role on May 14 at the USDA office here in Austin.

Regrettably, I have to move, but I do so with a tremendous amount of perspective and new experiences from Austin to live with. One thing I take away from Austin is the importance of locally grown vegetables and grass-fed beef… this perspective will help make this role even more effective.

Thank you to all my friends here in Austin. I’ll be back. I love this place too much not to come back.

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February 1, 2012

Game Planning Super Bowl XLVI: Giants vs. Patriots

Super Bowl XLVI

Photo Credit: Carl Van Rooy

Super Bowl XLVI is upon us and everyone is bloviating about what needs to happen in this game for either team to win. I’m on the record as rooting for the Giants, which sets up the third year in a row of abandoning the AFC. I will always root for the AFC unless it’s the Steelers, Colts or Patriots – and guess who has represented the AFC in this and the last two Super Bowls… the Colts, Steelers and now the Patriots.

But putting personal football bias aside, there are keys to winning this game for both teams and I think it’s going to be a good game.

For the Giants to win…

The Giants have a difficult road ahead facing one of the most elite quarterbacks that has ever played the game of football. Indeed, they have a good quarterback (I’m still not ready to give Eli Manning the much-ballyhooed ‘elite’ status…) who is very capable of winning this game by himself. But he won’t win this game by himself. He’s going to need Brandon Jacobs, Hakeem Nicks and company.

The Giants defense has to step up. They have to get their blitz on on more than third down. Unfortunately, if you put 8 in the box all the time, you’re leaving Gronkowski, Welker and Hernandez undercovered. But I think they need to commit to the blitz early. Load up the box, get Brady scrambling. Brady has been known to throw interceptions and incomplete passes and generally is prone to some Really Bad Life Decisions(TM) when under pressure. You let him sit in the pocket, and it doesn’t matter how strong your pass coverage is… he will eat you for lunch.

On the flip side, they have to double team Gronkowski as much as possible. That, leaves Wes Welker and Aaron Hernandez open but based on their patterns, the Giants are more able to cover those two inside one on one, than leaving Gronk in one on one.

On offense, the Giants have to run the ball. They have to burn the clock and own time of possession. Brandon Jacobs needs a fumble-less game and as long as he can get 3-4 yards on every touch, the Giants should be able to accomplish this. And it shouldn’t be hard, considering the New England defensive line has allowed 4.51 yards average running. Of course, this also has the added benefit of setting up the play action to Mario Manningham or the long ball to Victor Cruz… both of which could be the difference between winning a tempo game.

For the Patriots to win…

The recipe for a Patriots win is what it often is – rely on Brady, get out to a fast start and get the Giants back on the defensive. Obviously, this all starts on the Offensive Line. Statistically, the Patriots line is weakest on the left side. That is the worst side to be weak on as that is Brady’s blind side. Matt Light has to do his job in protection because the Giants will blitz from that side. If Brady has time in the pocket, then it’s over.

The Patriots like to use the “Bunch” formation which stacks three recievers on one side of the line. This usually means a passing setup, where the recievers are able to explode off the line together before hitting routes, causing confusion (and maybe collisions) on the defensive side of the ball. Against the Cowboys earlier this year, the Patriots enhanced the bunch by using it effectively in the run game.

I don’t want to put too much weight on the Patriots running game. I think the Giants can handle BenJarvus Green-Ellis and keep him a non-factor. But if the Pats can effectively use the Bunch Run, they have a dangerous combination that will force the Giants to pay attention to the run, as well as the pass.

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January 12, 2012

Welcome to Baltimore! (Or a Playoff Weekend Guide to Charm City)

It’s no secret that I’m a Ravens fan. Even sitting here in a coffee shop deep in the heart of Texas (with my cowboy hat, boot, deep Texas drawl and a ‘preciation for all those who venture into our fair area of heaven 1). So, it’s with deep pride that I send Houston Texans back to my hometown for an ass-whoopin’.

I travel a lot for football. It’s kind of my hobby. This year, I was back in Baltimore for the Week 6 matchup against these same Texans and the Week 16 matchup on Christmas Eve for the Cleveland Browns game. I also visited Seattle 2 in November.

In Baltimore, we make no bones about the fact that we’re the better team than our opponent in almost every case. We’re undefeated at home and in our division, the toughest in football. However, we do welcome fans from other cities and want you to have a good time.

Just don’t be a jerk!

With that said, we hope you spend the weekend in the city and give us your money at our many fine establishments. Here’s some ideas.

Sports Legends Museum at Camden Yards and the Babe Ruth Museum

Baltimore has a steeped sports tradition. From the Baltimore Orioles who have put out such hall of famers such as Earl Weaver, Cal Ripken, Jr., Jim Palmer, Brooks Robinson, Frank Robinson and more to the Baltimore Colts and Johnny Unitas to the Baltimore Bullets (now the Washington Wizards)… the tradition is rich. Babe Ruth was, of course, born in Baltimore. Take a trip just west of Camden Yards (located north of M&T Bank Stadium 3 to the Babe Ruth Museum or to the Northwest corner of Camden Yards to the Sports Legends Museum.

Website: http://www.baberuthmuseum.com

Brewer’s Art

Gain an appreciation for one of the better places to get a home-grown brew. The Brewer’s Art, located in Baltimore’s artsy Mt. Royal district, is built into ancient tunnels that once existed under modern-day Charles St. The tunnels existed for the purpose of pulling cannons through in the unfortunate situation where Ft. McHenry had to be scuttled. It’s dark and homey and makes some of the best microbrews I’ve ever tasted – The Ressurection Ale, an Abbey-style weighing in at 7%, and the Ozzy, a duvel-style weighing in at 7.25%.

Website: http://www.thebrewersart.com

Luckies’s for a Dedicated Texans fan Patriots-Broncos Watch Party

Luckies’s is a fun place in Baltimore’s Power Plant Live! district 4, for all things Texas sports. It’s also the home of the local Texas Longhorns alumni group and you can find this dedicated group there on weekend in the fall watching the Longhorns win (unless they’re losing).

Behind the bar, they have a dedicated Texas “mug club” for the dedicated members with the burnt orange prominently displayed throughout. Though I’m aware that Houston is *cough cough* Aggies country, they are opening up the bar for a special watch party for Texans fans interested in seeing Tebow, or the Patriots on Saturday. That event starts at 3pm and apparently, a Houston DJ is flying in to DJ after the game. 5

Website: https://www.facebook.com/LuckiesTavernBaltimore

Crabcakes

You can’t go to Maryland without getting a Crabcake. Sorry, Houston… Gulf crabs are not the same. And anything fried should be avoided – broiled only! There are always some passionate opinions about what is best. I recommend (if you have wheels), heading just south of town to G&M. Do not head to Phillips. Many of my favorite haunts are closed since I moved away so I asked local Baltimore folks on Twitter for recommendations.

@OneFineJay: Best takeout: Roy’s in Glen Burnie. Also, Hellas.

@scott_cover: koko’s or faidleys always good

Welcome but Behave!

As one Texans journalist noted in an article this week, you’re an uninvited guest. We want you to have fun but please don’t be a jerk. To Texans fans credit, I have visited both Reliant Stadium in purple and the Texans game earlier in 2011 in Baltimore. In both cases, Texans fans were great. We know we don’t match your amazing tailgating prowess, but we do a pretty good job. Get in there and mix it up with fans… just don’t be that guy (or girl!) that is pissing the locals off. This ain’t Texas. :)

Notes:

  1. Not really! ↩
  2. Worst fans in the NFL! ↩
  3. You can just call it the Vault! ↩
  4. Avoid at night unless you like college-age bros and hos ↩
  5. unconfirmed ↩
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December 18, 2011

My Maryland Cream of Crab Soup with a Texas Twist

Once a year, I am invited to a holiday potluck and every year, I’m asked to make my Maryland Cream of Crab Soup. My recipe has evolved over time and now, as a Texas resident, have added a new twist on it.

Ingredients

  • 1 quart of Half and Half
  • 1 quart of heavy whipping cream
  • 1 pint of milk
  • 1 cup of unsalted butter
  • 1 package of bacon
  • 1 Tbsp fresh parsley
  • 1 Jalapeño
  • 1/2 yellow onion
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Old Bay seasoning
  • 1 lb lump crab meat

Making Awesomeness

Step 1: Cook entire package of bacon until crispy

Step 2: In a big saucepan, combine the milk, Half and Half and heavy whipping cream together – gently to avoid bubbles and froth – and bring to a boil. Stir often.

Step 3: In a skillet, sauté diced onion in a 1/2 cup of butter. Optional: When the bacon is done cooking, sauté the onions in the bacon grease. It’s a personal choice what you want.

Step 4: Slice up a jalapeño for a bit of Texas variety. Keep seeds for additional hots, or get rid of them if you just want the sweet jalapeño flavor.

Step 5: When the “milk mix” comes to a boil, add a 1/2c of butter, the jalapenos, the fried onions (strain off the excess grease), the parsley, salt, pepper and bacon cut into tiny or small pieces. Add the crab meat slowly being careful to “scoop” it in. DO NOT USE A FORK. USE YOUR HANDS. Add 6 Tbsp of Old Bay gradually. Reduce heat and cook for an hour, stirring frequently on low heat.

Step 6: Dinner is served. This recipe serves 8 and is based on my taste. You can experiment and make it yours. Add Old Bay, salt and pepper for extra garnish or add cornstarch to thicken it up.

That’s it. This is definitely awesome for cold nights. It’ll warm you to the core. It also does well as leftovers after the flavors have the chance to really blend together. It pairs well with Chardonnay or some light flavored beer like a Dogfishead 60 Minute IPA. It does not go well with heavy red wines or dark malty beers. It’s just all too heavy.

Enjoy! Let me know if you riff on this recipe.

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September 8, 2011

Obama or Rodgers?

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July 8, 2011

Let Free Agency Begin

The 8th Circuit Court issued their ruling on the legality of the NFL lockout. They said the lockout was legal the injunction barring the lockout was not legal, but this money paragraph tells me that though players under contract can be locked out, those not under contract cannot as there is no employer-employee relationship.

Another portion of the injunction is not foreclosed by § 4(a). The district court enjoined not only the League’s lockout of employees, i.e., players under contract, but also the League’s refusal to deal with non-employees, i.e., free agents and prospective players or “rookies.” As to these latter groups of players, § 4(a) does not apply. The refusal of the League and NFL clubs to deal with free agents and rookies is not a refusal “to remain in any relation of employment,” for there is no existing employment relationship in which “to remain.”

An injunction with respect to the League’s actions toward free agents and rookies, however, cannot be issued except in strict conformity with § 7 of the NLGA, 29 U.S.C. § 107, because this is “a case involving or growing out of a labor dispute.” Id. §§ 101, 107. The present injunction does not conform to § 7

To me, that suggests free agency must open immediately. The only question is under which rules. Probably the 2010 rules, barring a new CBA. Free agents and rookies signed to contracts would then be effectively locked out… but they would have a contract and teams can start the free agency chaos.

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June 26, 2011

Real Ale 15th Anniversary

I love Texas beer. This weekend, my friend Melanie paid a visit to Austin from San Francisco and we decided to head out to Blanco, TX to participate in the Real Ale 15th Anniversary celebration.

Enjoy these photographs, but remember: You are not allowed to use these for commercial purposes or without giving me credit. Not even to spice up that nice blog post of yours. :)

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May 20, 2011

An Open Letter to Jesus: Come to Austin


Photo by doug88888. Used under Creative Commons.

Dear Jesus-

I hear you’re coming back tomorrow. I know this is really short notice, but I wanted to let you know that if I have any say in the decision about where you come back to, it should be Austin.

Why Austin? Well… let me tell you.

First, when you come back, there will still be tons of people here. We’re not really the type of people you want to take home to Dad, if you get what I mean.

Plus, most people in Austin are from California. Bringing them back would be, like, contradictory to everything in the Gospels about being kind to each other. You can’t be kind to the rest of the people who are going to go back with you and make them suffer with Californians.

Next, there’s shows. Bob Schneider is playing at Antones tomorrow and that’s a show you won’t want to miss. I’m sure you’ve heard him before since you’re, like, all omniscient and shit… but seeing him live? You have to. Tickets are $15 which, I know for you isn’t a whole lot since you’ve got, like, a cattle on a thousand hills or something.

But really, you want to do the Master of Pancakes show at Alamo Drafthouse. It’s sorta like Mystery Science Theatre 3000 (Do they have Comedy Central in heaven?), but live and in person. They are doing a Nicholas Cage-off. Seriously, Jesus?

Finally, it’s got to suck to be single for over 2000 years. There’s girls here. Lots of them. And Austin is one of the best single cities in America. Need I say more?

If you don’t decide on Austin, at least do me a favor and try not to choose to return to someplace stupid… like San Antonio… or Los Angeles… or Des Moines.

K?

Thx.

Bai!

Love Always,

Aaron

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April 26, 2011

CSRF Explained in Every Man Terms

The one where @onefinejay explains CSRF hacking attacks to an obviously average person.

“Ok so let’s say you click on an innocuous looking link, but then your Facebook updates with “i like to have hot lesbian action with one-legged obese women,” THAT’s CSRF.”

WIN!

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